Monday, June 7, 2010

Over the Hill

I've only got 50 days left in Italy. My time here is totally Over The Hill. I can't even believe that time has run out so fast. I've been here for 132 days. I've lived one whole forever in a space of time condensed into 132 days. And my forever is almost at its end. Is it horrible to say that I'm kind of excited, readers?

I guess the general progression of my posts has reflected my homesickness. I've been feeling displaced, lonely, and uncomfortable. When the pace of the outrageously fun times I was having back home in Firenze started to diminish, so did the feeling that I was living in a dream. When I woke up and realized I was still 4,000 miles away from home in New Jersey, it was a little bit terrifying. Being 19, alone, and abroad is scary. And I'm an anxious person. So I reconciled myself with the fact that my family would be here in July. I thought that I could make it through one more month and a half without them, and then the time would start to fly. But the time has begun to pass by ever so slowly. Much slower than it ever passed in Florence, and truly there were times in Florence when I felt the days were creeping by. Time has drawn itself out so much that I feel like I can hear my fingernails growing. And while time passes by so slowly for me, I feel like everyone else is speeding through their lives the same way these Italians zip by in their Fiats.

Whats worse is that, can you believe it, I'm getting really sick of Italy. I'm over the pasta and pizza every day, I scoff at espresso because its the most unsatisfying coffee in the world, and I've discovered that I can't stand most of the people I meet. They've got their noses so far in the air that I want to get some fish hooks, stick em' through, and reel these snobs right back down to reality. The thing that makes me the most angry, though, is siesta. From around 1 in the afternoon until 4:30this country is a ghost town. Everything closes so the Italians can take a nap. Seriously? It seems really nice at first. To spend four hours midday napping seems kind of nice, right? The truth is that nothing gets done in this country because people spend too much time relaxing and not enough time working. I tried to adopt this when I moved from Florence to Pordenone. I tried to spend my days reading, writing, painting, and relaxing. After one week of doing nothing I found myself desperately searching for something to do. All I want is to go back to work at Barnes and Noble or be in school studying. Anything but sitting. Anything but siesta. I found out that Italian students go to school from 8 a.m. til 1 p.m. until high school ends and college students have the liesure to choose when they feel like going to class. Mostly all of them don't work. I went to school from 7 a.m. until 4 p.m. every week, and sometimes on the weekends I went for all my clubs. I worked from 5 til 11 at night, and 8 hours shifts Saturday and Sunday. I never missed an honor roll and I managed even to have free time for friends and reading. I'm loosing my mind with all of the nothing!

I think about it often. I'm living the dream. I'm experiencing another country, bravely facing this world on my own, and traveling to other countries besides. What kind of spoiled, stuck up brat must I be if I'm not appreciating and making the most of every minute? Who am I to be so judgemental? I've been living the dream for too long, I guess. With only 50 days left here in Italy I find that I have never been more excited to get the fuck back home.
Arrivederci, for now.
Love, Gabby

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