Sunday, January 31, 2010

The dish on my living situation

I know I'm in Europe. I came here in full understanding that I was coming to a country that wasn't America. Certainly that means I should have expected to be in a country lacking some of the modern conveiniences that I enjoy. But seriously, Europe, what the fuck? For my electricity to be out for two solid days now is just a little ridiculous. I mean, I know that this is Europe and you folks over here need to deal with much older buildings and not alot of space, but how the hell long have you been developing your cities? Why haven't you been able to figure out electricity yet? I'm currently sitting in the laundry room two floors up because there is no light in my apartment. I need something to do with my time, and without any lights in our room it feels like a dungeon. The laundry room is the only alternative because there aren't any plugs in our hallway. I need a computer with which I have some forms of entertainment, which will die if I don't plug it in. In addition, the lights in the laundry room don't turn off after ten minutes. Trying to do your makeup in the hallway with lights that automatically shut off after ten minutes is fun experience.

So here's the deal about the electricity. The Italian Government decided they wanted to control the utilities that were alotted to each home or apartment in this country. Let me paint you a picture. Say you want to turn your computer on, sit in the light, and blow dry your hair at the same time. If you're a person living alone in your home or aparment, this won't happen. The Italian Government will automatically turn your electricity off and you'll be in the dark. You'll need to know how to walk in the dark to your circuit breaker and turn your electricity back on, but only after everything that was on gets turned off. So you're still in the dark. Come on, Italy? Seriously? You need to update your system. Please just think about how dangerous that is. You could potentially kill a person if the lights suddenly go out like that. They could trip, they could walk down a flight of stairs, they could accidentally impale themselves on something. You could be murdering your own citizens.

And what the hell is up with this heat? People don't like to be cold. People like to be warm. WHY ARE YOU REFUSING TO ALLOW PEOPLE TO PUT THEIR HEAT ON? Don't you want warm, happy citizens? In this country, readers, the government also regulates the amount of heat the apartments get. So at around 3 in the afternoon when no one is home the heat goes on. But it goes off while I'm sleeping at night and I freeze. The heat goes on for maybe a half an hour at a time, and we bask in it and sit on our heaters. After that half hour you'd better be prepared to dress in layers in your apartment because you're not gonna be warm again for a while. Don't ever ever take your socks off, either. You WILL get frostbite on your toes. And potentially loose a leg. The floors are permenantly freezing cold. If I were stupider I'd mistake these floors for an ice rink and try to skate on them.

I know. "Stop complaining, you're in Italy, Gab." You try this for a week and see how you do, you pampered Americans! Just take a shower here, and you'll be on board with me. Our shower head is about the size of a silver dollar pancake. The water pressure isn't miserably low but it's certainly not the best; it's a good thing because our shower curtain only covers approximately 1/3 of the shower. It's also broken and falling off of the wall, so the very small area that is enclosed by curtain is unavailable for standing in because it's occupied by broken shower. I could deal with it if it weren't for the fact that it is neccesary to turn the shower off during your bathing time. Get wet, turn the shower off. Lather up, turn the shower on. Rinse, repeat. Do not, for the love of God, use any more water than you absolutely have to. Instead, stand in your shower naked and cold for twenty minutes. I understand why Italian women have hairy legs and pits. Shaving is a bitch. I don't want to be cold and naked any longer than I have to. I don't even want to use the water sometimes because it comes out orange every once in a while. Bright, neon orange. Again, if I were stupider I'd call it a phenomenon. I haven't even gotten to the part that sucks the most yet. We've been instructed to shower once every other day in order to save water. I tried it. FUCK THAT! The people here smell pretty bad and I know why. As much as I want to orient myself into the Italian culture while I'm here, that is just one leap I will not take. I will not add my B.O. into the collective here. No, thank you.

Lo and behold, our lights are back on! All this whining made Italy self-conscious and she decided to be nice and give me my lights back. I discovered a switch I hadn't noticed before with the help of a neighbor (bless her) and was able to turn my power back on. Take that, Europe! After a celebration in my bedroom which involved shouting, dancing, and jumping up and down on my bed, I retrieved my computer and am now completing this blog. I need to go pretend my bedroom light is a strobe light for the next twenty minutes. Arrevederci, for now!


No comments:

Post a Comment